it is gonna be a long two weeks! 넘 기대 되서 죽겠냉!!
What’s goin on?
despite the “nm” answer i give on quick IM chats when asked what’s going on, a lot has been going on. too much, actually. some good. some not so good.
to start with something super good~
there’s a test for 6th graders on a couple subjects. it’s like the ISAT for korea. and it is a HUGE DEAL! it decides on the funding for the following school year, the curriculum, and all that school stuffz. my school is unfortunately not located in the richest of neighborhoods where all the students have the luxury of attending the after school hagwons. so English levels are low and in general our school is not the brightest crayon in the box. i love my students. love my school. but we’re not all academically inclined….which i totally understand from personal experience! (ha) so we studied hard! lemme tell you folks. we went into after after school mode. where our 6th grade teachers were spending the entire day class after class, small groups of students who were under national average. we worked our butts off. it was a high stress time with no time to breath. English wise, we could only have 2-3 students per class go below the national avg. for our school to pass. this- as much as i wanted it – was seen as impossible. we easily had 5-6 students per class who could not seem to grasp anything even with hours of extra time spent after school.
finally, we got our results last week.
AND….
DRUM ROLL PLEASE…..
2 students out of the WHOLE GRADE were below. THE WHOLE GRADE! i thought i was being punked. cause this was not possible! i had 1 class who had 6-7 students who were predicted to go below.
i have not had a prouder moment for my students. thing is my co-teacher worked 38493284239x harder than me. but nonetheless, i had some part, right?? i couldnt believe it. and in all the tests we only had a 1-2 students go below in the WHOLE CLASS! we passed every subject!!! WHOOOOOO~~
moving on.
went on a short mini-vacay with my uncle, aunt, and cousin. and it felt surprising homey. i was never THAT close with my extended family, and the feeling of family is something really hard to come across in korea. but this was a perfect weekend get-a-way.
I dont exactly remember where this was, but i think it was called “A Walk in the Clouds”? something like that?
and you know it’s funny…when parents try to give you advice it just sounds like “blahh blahh blahhh” 잔 소리. but when other people give you advice, you are like “yea…i totally agree! that is so smart! you’re so wise!” is that just me? i love my parents. don’t get me wrong. and i really respect them. but just something about them being parents. and telling you to do stuff….hmm.
next.
i started taking Korean classes! at 연세 (Yonsei) University! Yea, that’s right!! who’s smart enough to go to Yonsei now! i know it’s really shallow of me, but i love telling people im taking a class there cause then they’re all “OooOs and AhhHhs” for those of you who don’t know yet, Yonsei is the #2 university in Korea. It’s like a Yale, after Harvard. (i don’t care about real statistics that’s how people remember the prestigiousness order of these schools.) And to tell you the truth, i think everyone is accepted into this Korean program. but i think i forget to leave that part out of conversations~ hehhe i had to take a placement test and have successfully finished my first class. 1st reaction. Wae-Gooks (foreigners) are good at korean!! 2nd- crap. i’m freakn korean! i can’t be worse than these foreigners! but i guess i have to remember that i am too indeed a foreigner. it’s hard to get into the groove of studying again. and the idea of having tests instead of being the one giving them. but i’m excited to be busy! and feel productive! and can’t wait till i can fully understand Korean and don’t just have to nod along with a smile on my face. (i’ve gotten so good at pulling that off)
a recent not-so-great.
i will be spending too much money on the dentist in the coming months. this is what i get for not going to the dentist for so long. not looking forward to the hours of open mouth procedures that i will have to endure for multiple saturdays. BIG FROWN! this is gonna make me cut back on the new fall wardrobe i was thinking of. BIGGER FROWN!!
back to happy thoughts.
i think i forgot how much i enjoyed reading. but after having too much time over a 3 day chuseok break i started reading The Girl with a Dragon Tattoo that is a worthwhile book! loved it so much that i am now working through the 2nd in the series The Girl Who Played with Fire also intense and a good read!
started at a new church. week 2: i am the praise band drummer. honestly thought i would never pull the drummer card again. but here i am. while i play up there (which has only been 1 week..i’ve only been there 3 times) reminds me of the great chick band days. that’s right. i was in a chick band. man, i’m sucha rocker! ^^ i rock those Christian beats! whoo~ hopefully a more intimate relationship with God and friendships soon to come.
have i covered all the big points?
some more pics ^^
me and cousin at beach. pretty sunset~
한식- rice and endless side dishes.
조개구이- grilled clams. LOVE <3 <3
blue like jazz…the movie?
PLEASE HOLLYWOOD DO NOT SCREW THIS ONE UP!
i generally don’t like when books are made into movies. except the chick flick ones. cause those were meant to be movies. i hated that cheated feeling you get when you’re thinking “HEY THAT’S NOT RIGHT!! THAT’S NOT HOW IT HAPPENED!!!” so indignant that this stupid movie with all these cool actors, graphics, and fancy tech stuff RUINS THE STORY COMPLETELY!!!
i read blue like jazz about once a year. since i believe the summer after my sophomore year in college. i really love how it’s so down to earth thinking outloud. and it goes through the gospel from so many different opinions. i love the situations miller goes through and how he learns from them, i love the people he meets, the nicknames he gives them. i read the book whenever i feel like im feeling distant from God. and it makes me reflect so much on my actions and my thoughts and really brings me back to the core and basis of the gospel.
and here comes hollywood. who’s gonna distort it, take all the right parts out, and give characters faces…MAYBE sometimes characters arent supposed to have faces when you read about them! ok this doesnt work for this book cause it’s about real people….but now they have fake faces! so it’s not actually gonna be Laura who’s accepting Christ. it’s gonna be random blond who’s pretending to accept Jesus into her life! and it’s not gonna actually be Andrew the Protester who’s gonna be feeding the homeless with his own breakfast station, but random actor who maybe doesn’t even care about the homeless! now all of these stories and clips they show in the movie are gonna be labeled “based on a true story”. and how much do you actually believe about a movie when you see that in small print?!
i don’t know this is so upsetting to me. i should be happy that a movie like this is coming out and so many more people can know these stories and watch the theme of Jesus being played on the big screen.
but….i guess cause Jesus is so much more than that? more than a theme. more than the underlying message of a movie that’s gonna try to look cool so it sells. people accepting Christ, living out the gospel, is not “based on a true story”. its a true story. i guess its just that movies distort people, situations, ideas, realities…and i don’t want Jesus to seem unreal. like an unseen movie character.
i guess i could just shut up about it and not watch the movie. or maybe this movie will be awesome and spread the message of the gospel like none other! yes, i am going to trust the author in making sure the movie is a good representation of not only the book, but of Jesus. crossing fingers.
so……..anyone wanna go watch? (when it comes out of course. the date is still tba)
happy birthday to me.
i usually don’t like to do “birthday” posts, whatever that means. but this birthday was a little …different? i am not drawing a good word that fits here.
for 1, i don’t feel older, but rather, younger. i know. strange.
well, in korea, i’ve been 24 for the past 6 months. In korea, we age at the new year, not your birthday. and you’re automatically a year old when you’re born. so when i was 22, i was 24 in korea. so 24 year old korean me is thinking aw, american tracy is only turning a mere 23 years old. haha so. i actually feel quite young.
2ndly, i really think that birthdays, instead of celebrating the child, should be more of a celebration for the mother. i mean i did crap. i just popped out. my mama is the one who went through labor with the breathing and the pushing! right? THANKS MOM! for going through crazy amounts of pain just so that a daughter like me could be living. man. i wonder if every time my birthday comes around, my mom feels the slight pains of child bearing.
so. for the first time in a long time, there was no midnight birthday “surprise” of a room full of people and a cake…actually…i never got that. cause im a summer birthday. haha but, no busse woods and bbq. no meeting random people that got invited to my party. no cake in my face. or whip cream pies. no “big hug” from my mom(it’s an extra long/special hug that ends with a kiss. i know you’re all jealous right now) it’s been a quiet birthday thus far, but i plan to change that this weekend. heh ^^
many thanks to the people who remembered my birthday because of good ol’ facebook or just because you actually know my birthday. appreciate is ya’lls~
2 disturbing things i just saw on tv that i can’t get out of my head:
1. a girl in high school got pregnant. korean high school. seemed like a pretty prestigious high school. i’ve never seen this drama and it was on the 5th or 6th episode.
what got me angry: the treatment this girl was going through was brutal. she was outcasted at her school by the girls and boys alike. they were calling her dirty, harassing her, bullying her, and the moms from the school went to the principal and asked her to be kicked out of school. the moms even started harassing the girl’s mom for letting her still go to school. not once. the whole episode did the guy appear except in her memories. the boy’s mom just wanted to cover up that it was him and that’s all the mention the boy got. how unfair! why is this girl getting tortured and being kicked out of school for a mistake that both of these kids made? why isn’t this guy standing up for her?! why isn’t he getting kicked out of school? i mean i have no idea what happened before or after this episode. but just based on this episode alone, it got me so angry! ughhh KOREA, WHY ARE YOU STILL SO SEXIST?!!!
2. this one is even worse than the first.
this is also in high school. a girl is taking a shower after swimming practice in what seemed to be the girls locker room. 2 girls snuck 2 boys into the locker room. they saw the girl taking a shower and told one of the guys to “go get some”. the guy charges in and tries to get her swimming suit off and basically rape her. the 3 friends: the other guys and 2 girls are laughing and cheering in the background. yes, you read correctly the other guy and the TWO GIRLS!!! eventually the girl getting attacked kneed the guy attacking her in the balls. which stopped the attack. the the girl who was the leader said she better not tell and that things like this can happen between friends, right? i guess the girl’s dad or someone’s dad was powerful and could get her kicked out of school.
HOW CAN TWO GIRLS STAND BACK AND WATCH ANOTHER GIRL BEING SEXUALLY ATTACKED?!?!
OKOK. i know. these are movies/dramas. it’s not “real” life, right?
it just gives me the shivers though that this could actually be happening.
am i being naive?
thinking about the bullying that goes on in korean schools makes me sad (i know what an awesome, descriptive word.). i know bullying goes on everywhere, but these kids are already under the immense stress to get the perfect grades, why torture each other more? to these extremes?
it gets me thinking about my kids. my o-so-innocent seeming 5th and 6th graders. already the “wang-tas” or outcasts are being set and i can even see signs of which girls/boys will be on top. i tried to be unbiased with my kids, but as a teacher, on the other side, it’s hard to be cognizant of what kind of pressure these kids are under. how extremely important it was to be popular and accepted by my peers, how horrible it felt to be so uncool. school for me is just trying to get the kids to speak some decent english, but school, we teachers forget, is the social world these kids live in. my kids dont give a crap about english and hell thinking back i didn’t give crap about my school work either…as long as i wasn’t wearing the wrong pair of jeans or trying to desperately be noticed by that popular boy in my class. even though things like popularity and who’s skinnier, prettier, smarter, and this endless list of comparisons are never ending in life, kids in school live, breath, and suffer through this awkwardly social age. i hope i can be an extra compassionate teacher knowing a little too well what it feels like to be the outcast.
this entry was pretty pointless. but still these images will not leave my head. i remain disturb at the screams of the girl getting attacked in the showers while other girls and boy laughed and egged on that stupid guy…ugh.
i missed yoga cause im in such a bad…weird…disturbed…unsettled mood right now. plus its raining outside. sigh. just adding to my downer mood. i already drank chocolate milk to try to make me feel better. yet it is not working. i thought writing my thoughts out would be a little therapeutic, but it’s done me no good. i guess time to try to drain out these images with funny ones. back to the tv i go.
i wish i could live without worrying what was to come next. i wish i didnt fear lonliness and the idea of ever ending up alone. i wish i had no ties to debts and my past and i could just wander around the world free as a bird. i wish i could be more free spirited and spontaneous. less lazy and more ambitious. more adventurous and daring. more confident. more passionate. more. i want to be more.
